is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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