I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
