i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
