I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
