when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Drake has all the answers
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
