Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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