Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
