i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
