DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
