I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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