Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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