Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
