You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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