i just wanna soil my oats bro
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
