you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
