Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
