I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
