If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Randomize
