He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I smell like Dick and happiness
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
