You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
should my penis look like a turkey
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
