I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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