i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
