I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
