4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Damn victory sex feels great
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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