nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
