You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
