i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
