think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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