she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
