No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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