Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
