So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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