ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
