Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
