It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
