I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
