Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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