If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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