i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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