I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
