i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I think my fart just growled at me.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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