i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
