she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
