I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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