I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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