ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
