sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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