Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
