I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
