Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
