my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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