ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
