you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
