My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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