if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
